


Salt or Perfume

by Jackdaw816



Series: Magpie [2]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: AKA, Alive and Happy Zone, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, It's my universe, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Season/Series 02, Unconventional Relationship, Weevils (Torchwood), and i will make them happy and poly and gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22948327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackdaw816/pseuds/Jackdaw816
Summary: Jack and Ianto have a bet
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness/John Hart, Jack Harkness/John Hart/Ianto Jones, John Hart/Ianto Jones
Series: Magpie [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917400
Comments: 2
Kudos: 71





	Salt or Perfume

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a 'verse that I've been brainstorming with a friend for a while. I'll make a series tag for it if I write another one, but for now, all you need to know is that John came back to Cardiff, had the redemption canon denied him, and is now in a happy relationship with Jack and Ianto

Ianto was content. It was a Friday night, and the Rift was calm. So he and Jack were lying on the couch together, watching Bond. He wasn’t sure exactly how much Jack was watching, but he hadn’t complained or snored, so Ianto didn’t mind.

Ianto leaned into Jack’s side, toying with the fabric of Jack’s trousers absentmindedly. He was still watching, but his mind was drifting. It was getting late, and Ianto could feel the fatigue of the day’s earlier Weevil chase gnawing at him. Speedy little fucker that one had been. Would make a good companion for Janet. Or would have made if it hadn’t gotten shot by-

An explosion occurred onscreen, and Ianto’s attention was drawn back to the film. Jack let out a low whistle. Then he reached over and took Ianto’s hand. They continued in this amiable near silence for the rest of the movie. As the credits rolled, Ianto heard a key in the lock. Perfect timing.

“Salt or perfume?” Ianto asked under his breath. Jack turned his head to meet Ianto’s eyes and quirked an eyebrow. Ianto just smiled disarmingly. 

“Perfume,” Jack said, confident, but quiet. Ianto shook his head, a smirk growing.

“It’s salt.” He said matter-of-factly, then kissed Jack before he could question. This was a bet he would win. The door opened, and their third came in.

“Getting started without me?” John drawled, pushing the door shut with his foot and clicking the lock. Ianto didn’t bother with a verbal answer, instead just kissed Jack harder. Jack cupped his hand briefly at Ianto’s nape before pulling away.

“Maybe,” Jack said. He glanced over at John before reaching for the remote and turning the TV off. “Good timing tonight.” John shed his jacket and tossed it on the floor, earning a glare from Ianto.

“I guess Ianto’s rubbing off on me,” John said, hooking his thumbs through his belt loops and winking. Ianto resisted the urge to throw a pillow at him. Jack grinned dopily.

“Come sit down.” Jack invited, shifting over to make room between him and Ianto. But John raised a hand, begging off.

“I was gonna shower.” He raised an eyebrow. “Care to join?” Ianto shook his head.

“Already showered. I had to clean off the Weevil gore,” he said pointedly. John raised his hands defensively.

“Hey, I apologized, didn’t I?” he said, coming over to stand behind the couch. Ianto looked up at him.

“You do know our job is to catch the aliens, right? Not murder them. Otherwise, Jack would have just shot you.” Ianto said, cold, but not with malice. Jack placed a calming hand on Ianto’s arm.

“Hey, John made the right call. The Weevil was erratic, and there were civilians nearby.” Jack chimed in. John beamed, and kissed Jack. Ianto smiled fondly but hid it when his fiancés broke apart. 

“Fine.” Ianto acquiesced when John turned to look at him. “But he still ruined my suit.” John stuck his tongue out. 

“You’ve ruined a lot of suits, Eye Candy.  _ Without _ my help.” John pointed out. Ianto glared at him. But when John leaned in for a kiss, he didn’t turn him away. He tasted faintly of salt, and Ianto smiled into the kiss.

John eventually broke away. He smiled without malice, still a little strange to see, and left for the shower. When the water started running, Jack threw his hands up in the air and groaned.

“How are you always right?” he questioned, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the bathroom and then toward the door. Ianto grinned a shit-eating grin.

“Well, it’s rather simple,” Ianto said as he stood. “But I don’t want to give my secret away. I’d ruin the bet.” Ianto took John’s jacket and hung it up properly, on the rack by the door.

It wasn’t hard to hang up a jacket, but John preferred to just toss it wherever, predominantly the back of the love seat. He’d never figured out why. Jack knew how to hang up his fucking coat! Ianto meant to have a “talk” with John about it, but it’d never happened. He’d accepted it by now.

“Ah, yes, the bet. That you win every single time.” Jack sulked from the couch. Ianto smiled gently. 

“You like the middle, hush.” Ianto chided. He came back to Jack’s side and drew up his chin with two fingers. Jack rose to meet him in the kiss. Jack pulled him closer, and Ianto just enjoyed being held.

“Let’s go to bed,” Jack suggested lightly, his tone entirely chaste. It wasn’t always, but it had been a long day. And even though John hadn’t come home smelling like another’s perfume, Ianto got the feeling he’d be content just to sleep tonight.

“Alright.” Ianto murmured. Jack took his hand lightly and led him to the bedroom. The large bed had made neatly (by Ianto that morning), but John had tossed his clothes all over it. Ianto fumed silently as he collected the clothing and put it in the washing basket. Jack sat on the edge of the bed.

“You know he doesn’t do it to piss you off.” Jack pointed out. “He’s just a slob. You would have fainted if you had seen our quarters at the Time Agency.” 

“Fancy time-traveling police people, and you can’t keep a room clean.” Ianto mocked lightly. Jack grinned. He stripped off his shirt and tossed it to Ianto, who caught it and put it in the basket. He took off his own shirt, content to sleep in just sweatpants given the weather.

“That’s why we need people like you, Ianto Jones,” he said, lying back on the bed and gesturing grandly. Ianto laid down beside him, to the right, as usual, and as by their bet.

“Sexy, badass operatives who do the job right?” Ianto suggested. Jack shook his head and rolled to face Ianto.

“Sexy, badass operatives who clean up after their slob of a fiancé without complaining.” Jack corrected. “Much,” he added as an afterthought. 

“I need a raise.” Ianto sighed melodramatically. Not really, Torchwood already paid better than any other job he’d had. Not to mention Jack had over a hundred years of savings stashed away. But that wasn’t the point, not really.

“Well, isn’t that a benefit of shagging the boss?” Jack said, somehow making the crude proposal sound romantic. Ianto couldn’t help but grin.

“Maybe. You’d have to ask him.” Ianto replied, and leaned in to kiss the dopey smile off of Jack’s face. It worked, but then Jack looked… pensive.

“Okay, but you have to tell me how you knew what he was up to tonight,” Jack asked, the topic changed abruptly to their bet and their fiancé. Ianto sighed, but let it melt into a smile.

“Fine.” he surrendered. “I knew John was swimming because even though we’ve barely had time for a shag this week, it’s also the coldest night we’ve had in a month,” Ianto smirked. “There was no way he’d pass that up.” Realization dawned on Jack’s face.

“That Naxosian bastard!” he swore lightly. 

“You rang?” John asked, bemused. Neither Jack nor Ianto had noticed that the water had turned off. They looked now to see John standing in the bathroom doorway, towel slung around his hips, his hair damp and tousled.

“Ah, yeah, get in bed, bastard, Ianto’s tired.” Jack covered up poorly. The bet wasn’t a secret, but it wouldn’t be fun if John knew about it. So Ianto (mostly) faked a yawn and buried his face in a pillow. John raised an eyebrow but didn’t question. Jack and Ianto got properly situated for sleep, while John dropped his towel, thankfully in the basket, and put on boxers.

John crawled in bed, the left side, his preferred spot, and promptly stole the top blanket. Jack complained sleepily, but Ianto pulled the spare blanket out from under the bed and draped it over them. Jack turned and wrapped his arms around the blanket bundle that was John. Ianto smiled at them, then got up to turn out the light.

Lit now only by the dappled streetlamps through the blinds, Ianto got back in bed. He pressed up against Jack’s back and reached out across him. His hand found John’s, and they laced fingers. Once again content, Ianto fell into a peaceful slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Tumblr at @shejustcalledmeafish, come and say hi! Thanks for reading!


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